With the title I only intend to tell my readers that I am
but a beginner into this enigmatic and perplexing world of female psychology.
It's only been a little more than a year into my proper training and I must say
the experience has been truly humbling!
Read on to explore…
Shopping as an
antidote to depression:
A depressing mood afflicting the fairer sex is not a very
unfamiliar happening (they really don’t need any reasons for their mood swings
though). But when it happens on a weekend to your better half, you could try
and do something (rather you are forced to). This once I suggested we go out
somewhere, trying to tell her that a bout of sunlight coupled with some fresh
air will help her cheer up. Meekly she
agreed.
As we set out, I asked as casually as possible on the
various destinations we could land to–
Drive to the beach?
Greeted with silence
How about a coffee shop?
The same response
After a brief spell of sullenness, a shallow voice cranked
out –
"I want to check out this dress. Can we go to this boutique?"
Relieved at having got some direction, I promptly agreed
(with the usual pleasantries if you get what I mean).
The boutique turned out to be a depressive place for me
(like any other ladies’ shopping place). Hordes of women, each asking the other
about their looks wrapped in one or the other dress. Nevertheless, having
begun the journey I decided to stay put and endure the agony. After all this
could help put an end to the invisible darkness around my beloved.
After spending some respectable time (respect due to the
clothes) she agreed on one of them. We proceeded to the billing.
“Wait. Should I go for the other one?” - She asked me
quizzically.
Having answered this question multiple times in the last few
minutes, I replied as politely as I could –
“Your wish baby; both look equally good.”
“But you said the other looks better”
“Well, I thought that looked better. But this one is also
equally good”. – I reassured her.
“Are you sure?” – This time posing with the dress on a full
length mirror
Not wanting to give her any more room for confusion, I
vigorously nodded and added
“Don’t you think so?” – pulling the sales man into the game this
time (pleading with him to echo my views)
Thankfully he played along and the matter was settled.
And lo it happened; as we stepped out of the shop to the
setting sun the angel in her was abruptly woken. The voice was back to its
usual cheeriness. Her chin was adorned with the characteristic cleft as her
lips gave way to that grinning smile.
Now of course, it’s another matter that this same incident
could be a cause for concern on another day when she’ll sheepishly remark.
‘I don’t have any occasion to wear the dress I bought’
That would be the beginning of yet another episode!
Surprise surprise!
There is something with surprise gifts and ladies. They have
an extremely strong covalent bond (stronger than that of diamond too I suspect).
The surprising thing is they’d like you to know what they expect as a surprise
gift too. Smart as they are, they’ll take all the trouble to drop those subtle
hints on what they would have loved to have (read as what they want).
Like the other day we were strolling through a mall when she
lingered close to the perfume section and then landed on one and announced with
unassuming candor about her love for that fragrance and how she always wanted
to have this for herself; leaving you with little option but to ask her
“Why don’t you get it then?”
“No. I have enough already” – she’ll respond in a Mother
Theresa sort of selflessness.
In spite of your repeated insistence, she will vehemently reject the
proposition of buying it out then and there.
The nice guy that you are, you wait for one of those days
which matters (there are many nowadays – the day we first met, the day we got
engaged, married, and etc etc) and then buy the exact perfume, wrap it up
nicely and present it to her (as a surprise of course!).
Now to expect wholehearted acceptance is asking for too
much. It’ll begin with a
‘Oh, why did you get this?’
‘Didn’t I tell you I didn’t need it?’
So on and so forth to a quiet
and gradual acceptance of your generosity but not before reminding you about
how frivolous these celebrations are and how unnecessary it really is!
Mirror the best
friend
A mirror is always the right hand of a lady. They so love to
pose and look at themselves untiringly. Now the standard operation procedure is
to stare and sway a little and then trap you with the million dollar question –
“Have I put on weight?”
No matter how genuine you are in answering this (there’s
only one answer to this – ‘of course not’) it will not satisfy her ears. In
case you try to be objective here (which in most cases will be impossible
because there will be no noticeable change) or even try to play around and
utter out the unthinkable, then you do it only at your own risk.
Maybe you can even get around
here but what will haunt you for the remainder of your life is when you make
that casual, innocuous remark on the loss of flesh on another lady who your
beloved frowns upon and/or complement her looks. That is when words lose all
meaning coz what you said will not be what it is; rather it could be taken in a
completely different and wholly unpredicted way leaving you at a loss for words
(you’d rather that the words you used be wiped out of the language forever)
Now I can count on countless such incidents but then I must
admit, as my friend says – no matter what you have to say about the feminine
sex, life without them is just no good.
They give you reason to laugh, when
they cry themselves. They’ll whine for the silliest of reasons, yet stay with
you no matter what. They’ll constantly complain but will push you to conquer
all your dreams.
Without them, the flame will lose its color; the night its cool
and day its brightness.
They are an intriguing lot; to an untrained man, they are
nothing but a maze.
Sugary, melting and pleasing at first; hot, sour and
crankier with time
When around they cause havoc; taken away they cause heart
break.
