Monday, February 27, 2012

Lessons through marriage - Musings of a beginner

With the title I only intend to tell my readers that I am but a beginner into this enigmatic and perplexing world of female psychology. It's only been a little more than a year into my proper training and I must say the experience has been truly humbling!

Read on to explore…

Shopping as an antidote to depression:

A depressing mood afflicting the fairer sex is not a very unfamiliar happening (they really don’t need any reasons for their mood swings though). But when it happens on a weekend to your better half, you could try and do something (rather you are forced to). This once I suggested we go out somewhere, trying to tell her that a bout of sunlight coupled with some fresh air will help her cheer up.  Meekly she agreed.

As we set out, I asked as casually as possible on the various destinations we could land to–
Drive to the beach?
Greeted with silence
How about a coffee shop?
The same response
After a brief spell of sullenness, a shallow voice cranked out –
"I want to check out this dress.  Can we go to this boutique?"
Relieved at having got some direction, I promptly agreed (with the usual pleasantries if you get what I mean).
The boutique turned out to be a depressive place for me (like any other ladies’ shopping place). Hordes of women, each asking the other about their looks wrapped in one or the other dress. Nevertheless, having begun the journey I decided to stay put and endure the agony. After all this could help put an end to the invisible darkness around my beloved.

After spending some respectable time (respect due to the clothes) she agreed on one of them. We proceeded to the billing.

“Wait. Should I go for the other one?” - She asked me quizzically.
Having answered this question multiple times in the last few minutes, I replied as politely as I could –
“Your wish baby; both look equally good.”
“But you said the other looks better”
“Well, I thought that looked better. But this one is also equally good”. – I reassured her.
“Are you sure?” – This time posing with the dress on a full length mirror
Not wanting to give her any more room for confusion, I vigorously nodded and added  
“Don’t you think so?” – pulling the sales man into the game this time (pleading with him to echo my views)
Thankfully he played along and the matter was settled.

And lo it happened; as we stepped out of the shop to the setting sun the angel in her was abruptly woken. The voice was back to its usual cheeriness. Her chin was adorned with the characteristic cleft as her lips gave way to that grinning smile.

Now of course, it’s another matter that this same incident could be a cause for concern on another day when she’ll sheepishly remark.

‘I don’t have any occasion to wear the dress I bought’

That would be the beginning of yet another episode!

Surprise surprise!

There is something with surprise gifts and ladies. They have an extremely strong covalent bond (stronger than that of diamond too I suspect). The surprising thing is they’d like you to know what they expect as a surprise gift too. Smart as they are, they’ll take all the trouble to drop those subtle hints on what they would have loved to have (read as what they want).

Like the other day we were strolling through a mall when she lingered close to the perfume section and then landed on one and announced with unassuming candor about her love for that fragrance and how she always wanted to have this for herself; leaving you with little option but to ask her

“Why don’t you get it then?”
“No. I have enough already” – she’ll respond in a Mother Theresa sort of selflessness.

In spite of your repeated insistence, she will vehemently reject the proposition of buying it out then and there.
The nice guy that you are, you wait for one of those days which matters (there are many nowadays – the day we first met, the day we got engaged, married, and etc etc) and then buy the exact perfume, wrap it up nicely and present it to her (as a surprise of course!).

Now to expect wholehearted acceptance is asking for too much. It’ll begin with a

‘Oh, why did you get this?’

‘Didn’t I tell you I didn’t need it?’

So on and so forth to a quiet and gradual acceptance of your generosity but not before reminding you about how frivolous these celebrations are and how unnecessary it really is!

Mirror the best friend

A mirror is always the right hand of a lady. They so love to pose and look at themselves untiringly. Now the standard operation procedure is to stare and sway a little and then trap you with the million dollar question –

“Have I put on weight?”

No matter how genuine you are in answering this (there’s only one answer to this – ‘of course not’) it will not satisfy her ears. In case you try to be objective here (which in most cases will be impossible because there will be no noticeable change) or even try to play around and utter out the unthinkable, then you do it only at your own risk.

Maybe you can even get around here but what will haunt you for the remainder of your life is when you make that casual, innocuous remark on the loss of flesh on another lady who your beloved frowns upon and/or complement her looks. That is when words lose all meaning coz what you said will not be what it is; rather it could be taken in a completely different and wholly unpredicted way leaving you at a loss for words (you’d rather that the words you used be wiped out of the language forever)

Now I can count on countless such incidents but then I must admit, as my friend says – no matter what you have to say about the feminine sex, life without them is just no good. 
They give you reason to laugh, when they cry themselves. They’ll whine for the silliest of reasons, yet stay with you no matter what. They’ll constantly complain but will push you to conquer all your dreams.

Without them, the flame will lose its color; the night its cool and day its brightness.
They are an intriguing lot; to an untrained man, they are nothing but a maze.
Sugary, melting and pleasing at first; hot, sour and crankier with time
When around they cause havoc; taken away they cause heart break.